how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
