They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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