Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
