And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
