What did we do last night that was yellow?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
