my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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