real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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