i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
