you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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