No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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