Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
