She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
