Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
