No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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