I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
