i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
