Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just puked most of my soul out..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
