Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what day is it and did you see me today?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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