My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
