Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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