If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
