We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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