reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize