You can't motorboat a personality
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
