my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
