dude i'm inner monologue high
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
