I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
