I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
