We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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