I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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