he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Randomize
