we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
