Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
