i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
