just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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