Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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