3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you had me at cake vodka
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
