my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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