Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
