The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
