a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
