i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
