your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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