It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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