If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
