i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
