9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
