My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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