It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
