I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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