It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
