OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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