He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize