why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
