Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
