Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize