So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
