You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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