I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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