cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize