I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
