You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my poor anus
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
