I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
