if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I want is dick and wine.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize