'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
