at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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