Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
