If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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